Lauri's real name could not be devulged for copyright reasons
What makes a reindeer dear? In an exclusive for 65 Degrees North, Antje Neumann hitches a ride to Korvatunturi, home of Santa Claus, to discuss 21st Century gift supply technologies, athletics and forestry with one of his most trusted employees.
“Lauri,” a bull reindeer (né “Poro”; Finn) of fair size with good antler growth, is relaxing. A week before the big night, he’s happy and determined. So he should be–not just any reindeer gets to pull Santa’s sleigh. A lesser reindeer might be daunted, but not this caribou.
So how do you like Christmas, ‘Lauri’? If I can call you that?
“Hey baby! Whooarrr! Rrhhhrrr! Congrats on getting an interview. I know it’s not easy getting through pr, and I’m one busy caribou. This time of the year is mostly cold and dark up here in the North. Snow makes galloping difficult and you have to dig deep to find something under it.”
But don’t you work for Santa?
"Oh yeah, nearly all of us do in some fashion or other. It’s a seasonal gig. And sometimes the boss isn’t very good at planning his work. Get up; go down; eat the fairy dust; carry that sack of presents. You’d think he’d have the sense not to leave it all to the twenty-fourth. Now, don’t publish the last sentence, will you?“
But no-one really knows about the working conditions of Santa’s employees. Our readers will be interested in what you have to say. What’s the deal? What’s going on?
“Well like I say, and don’t quote me on any of this, the big guy doesn’t really plan the delivery of the presents much. Seems to me some of the logistics have been thought out and some not. His little helpers have months and months to make the presents, then delivery’s rushed into one day. Why not start in November? If there’s magic to make us fly there’s magic to have the presents caper down the chimney by themselves when the time’s right, wouldn’t you think?
Still, Christmas, isn't it: rushing around in the eternal night, freezing my nose off, fly here, fly here- all in a night’s work.
Right. Well, By the way, what do you do during the rest of the year?
“We’ve different day jobs. Some work in the tourist business and pull sledges, usually until April. Then there’re no presents but people in the sledges. I’ve done that a lot. It can be a hoot on longer trips, but can get old when, well, you do the same circuit for...actually, I’ve never counted the times. Used to be people used us for pulling sledges when they wanted to trade goods; spices, clothes, anything. We ran over long distances through remote areas to markets. There was singing and dancing; people wore colourful dresses - like a big party in the snow.
Now they’ve tractors and trains and cars and planes for transport, don't they. All you do is plunk the stuff inside. You want the wind on your antlers, the smell of hot reindeer pee on the turf, the harrumph of hooves in your ears! Anyway, there you are. That’s my opinion. I dare say they do the job, but I still say sledge any day.
Yes, right. I’ve also seen reindeer in races…
“The really athletic ones among us like competitions. I hardly have the time, though I’m as strong as a cart horse. But usually there are quite a few of them in different parts of Northern Finland, Sweden and Norway: I heard you have one in Oulu too, in the beginning of February?”
Yes, that’s right.It's during the Poro Feria, from 7.-8.2.09.
“Sledging and racing aside, the majority of us actually spend all year in the forest, besides when the twenty-fourth comes around again, of course, and we get called in. This year, even the young reindeers who can’t bite bark to save their own breath are called in to do something. Everyone wants an iphone. And those Santa’s little helpers, don’t get me started. Some of them are all about the grind. Grind, grind, grind. You’d think because they’re small, they’d get tired some time, but no.
In a froth of a panic they are, up and down the ladders, up and down – I swear I once saw one in tears holding a plastica replica of David Beckham, trying to get the paint job right on his Gucci.”
So, what kind of life spend those reindeer which do not have a regular job in tourist business?
“They have to search for food by themselves, and actually that takes most of their time. I lived like that for ages until I went into the tourist business. We eat mostly lichen in winter time and search for them under the snow. We also like those beard lichens hanging from trees, though you get a stiff neck if you spend all day reaching for them, and there’s no choice sometimes, I can tell you for free. And that lichen grows so slowly it’s impossible to wait for it to grow again; you’d starve.
So if you’re a reindeer you have to move around all the time; move, move, move; searching for new places. Though sometimes reindeer herders give us hay or pellets to make life easier. But it’s really about your basic digesting and sleeping.
By April you get ugly bored of eating old beards off trees. But, in a month or so you have fresh herbs and grass, and in late summer the mushroom season starts. That’s when the best variety is about. It’s a platter of enjoyment for a reindeer in July.”
When living in the forest, you don’t really have much contact with us humans, have you?
“Well, most of the time, we don’t. But twice a year they usually come for us into the forest, make a lot of noise, catch us, and make us chase us around an awful labyrinth of fences.
In summer, they catch our kids and do something to their ears. I have never understood why. Then, they just let us go again. In autumn, they do the same again. However, this time they take some of the youngsters out of our group and put them into those big transporting devices with wheels. I don’t know where they go, perhaps to do some business abroad?”
Is there anything you would like to wish for our readers for Christmas?
“Here’s wishing you a Christmas with fewer freeze-thawing circles and no ice layer in the snow. May you have the best lichens in your kitchens, and may no reindeer drop your Christmas gear.”
Thanks a lot for the interview!
“Hold on, I thought I was getting paid. I’ve given you some good quotes, you know. You’d better have some peanuts on you at least. I’m not letting you out of here without being fed, it’s a quarter to nine and I’ve missed breakfast...”
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