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What should you do first if the pregnancy test clearly shows two lines and you live in the northernmost place anybody ever has been from your family? Ildikó Hámos-Sohlo shares her thoughts about pre- and early maternity in Finland.
It all started with a dream. A very vivid dream about holding a tiny baby in my arms, wondering how it got there. When I woke up, I thought, “Hmm, let´s see what this means.”
 Soon enough, I was becoming aware of the fact that there were some suspicious changes going on inside me. I met my friend Miriam, well-experienced in maternity issues, at Stockmann´s café to discuss how to do ‘the test’. After a session of mental support, I couldn’t wait any longer and disappeared into the toilet of the café. (Now there’s a good story to tell your child: “I found out about your existence in Stockmann´s toilet.”) But no doubt about it, there they were: two clear pink lines, emerging soon after I had struggled into the narrow cubicle. While I held the test stick in my shaky hands and listened to the toilet being flushed in the cubicle next door, my mind boggled with the hugeness of what I’d discovered.
‘That’s Nine Months Driving Home from Parties for you then!’ The next day was Finnish Father´s Day. Could you imagine a better date for letting your husband know that you are pregnant than Father´s Day?! I was tossing and turning in my sleep, getting up early to prepare a nice breakfast for him to be able to take the news better. Finally, after long hours of waiting he emerged with sleepy eyes and sat down by the kitchen table. And there went all my careful plans of telling him after a certain number of cups of coffee or slices of toast: I just blurted it out. His eyes widened, he shook his head in disbelief and mumbled: “But…, but…” Suddenly his expression changed and with a quirky smile he said: “That’s at least nine months of driving home from parties for you, then.”
A breath of relief from my side: All is well, he has taken it in and fully understood the consequences of the news! Being married to a Finnish man is not always a piece of cake, but I can certainly tell when my husband is happy. Just to be fair: the conversation did not stop there, soon enough we were discussing our future life as a family with a baby.
‘Realistic’ Finnish Pregnancy Telling my husband’s family the big news was a challenge as well. My playful and ‘forever-child’ husband figured that it would be a good idea to play a game of Chinese Whispers to pass the news around the table. Needless to say, it took us half an hour to unravel the misunderstandings and have all the female members of the family in tears over the beautiful news.
Soon enough, the table of this half-Karelian family was chatty with all kinds of baby and birthing stories. I have to admit to a waft of culture shock, though, when the conversation turned towards miscarriages! Who had had them when, why and how often. And that they are quite common in the early stages of pregnancy. In my state of budding, sensitive maternal feelings, I had a hard time smiling through that part of the evening, even though I kept telling myself “they just want to protect you, they want you to have a realistic view of pregnancy.” ‘Pregnancy is all about Patience’
Lucky as I am, my office is just above the Tuira maternity centre. Thus, I just had to walk down and take one of the ladies by their sleeves to ask them what to do next. I got a date for more than a month later. Upon my humble request why it couldn’t be earlier I was told it doesn’t pay off to come earlier since I’m in such an early stage of pregnancy that anything might happen. Reassured that I was in good hands, I surrendered to my fate, fixed a date and walked up to my office to whip up a furious web search about what I should or shouldn’t do in these early days. Yes, where I come from we visit the doctor as soon as we find out we’re pregnant. And yes again, my head was full of unanswered questions. But pregnancy is all about patience, and that I would yet have to find out. Read next week: Pregnant in Oulu, Part II: The first trimester. Ildikó Hámos-Sohlo´s thoughts about maternal health care in Oulu.
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