 Having a Finnish boyfriend means that you sometimes have to communicate with his parents - and not having a common language with them can lead to many awkward silent moments where nobody knows what to say. Imagine sitting at the dinner table with your boyfriend and his mum, trying to enjoy a meal. He's reading a newspaper, quiet as a mouse: you are stuck between pretending you're really hungry and have no time whatsoever, and trying to start a conversation.
So you eat so fast that there is soon nothing left on the plate, and are stuck with the second option – trying to start a conversation. But with no idea what to talk about, you blurt out how nice the weather is. You know very soon you won't have anything more to say about the whiteness of the snow, or the warmth of the sun. You start to panic: you think, 'how can she look like she has no problem with this awkward silence? Wait, that's it, I'm not Finnish!' Then you look at them enjoying their food in silence, wondering how can they do it. Finns are stereotypically known for their ability to be silent and actually enjoy it. For a foreigner, silence will probably be the exact opposite of fun. Most foreigners would probably agree it is at least awkward. However, English is the biggest issue when communicating with Finns. The younger generation normally has fewer difficulties speaking English, but many middle-aged Finns find it hard. So let's consider our options when a Finn does not want to speak anything else but Finnish. Here your pantomime skills come in handy. If you are in a store and need to buy something, but don't know what it's called, you can look for a younger looking person and try your luck with them. Or simply have your dictionary with you at all times. Finns appreciate a foreigner making the effort to speak in Finnish, even if just a few words. But I've noticed that if you start to speak in Finnish, the other person will assume you understand everything. Through experience, I've realized that trying to speak in my broken Finnish with doctors does not do me any good. Medicine is such a specific field that is it difficult to pantomime your way out: you need to find the words in advance. As for the wall between you and his or hers parents, I might have an idea. I have tried this with my boyfriend's mother and was surprised how well it worked. Since we felt self-conscious about our not perfect language skills, I always spoke in English and she spoke in Finnish. Though our language skills are good enough for normal communication, we somehow could not bring ourselves to actually speak those languages to each other.
The other weekend, visiting his mother, my boyfriend suggested the following: 'what if you spoke only Finnish to her, and she spoke only English to you?’ I said I would give it a try. I was determined to speak Finnish to her and the idea worked out amazingly well. We were both on the same level and the arrangement improved our communication a lot. So be innovative, creative and understanding - it takes some time and joint effort to bring the two ends together. Good luck communicating suomalaisten kanssa*!
* with Finns
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